There is a moment right before you fall asleep that determines the quality of your rest.
The lights are out. The house is quiet. You are lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling or the inside of your eyelids. And in that silence, your brain begins its nightly review.
For most high-performing leaders, this review is not a highlight reel. It is an audit.
Your mind scans the last sixteen hours, hunting for gaps. I forgot to call Mike. I shouldn’t have said that in the meeting. I didn’t finish the sermon. I wasn’t present enough with my kids.
You replay the mistakes. You rehearse the anxieties of tomorrow. You catalog your failures with the precision of a forensic accountant.
By the time you finally drift off, your nervous system is swimming in cortisol. You wake up tired because you spent eight hours sleeping with the enemy—your own inner critic.
This is not just “worry.” In the Primal Resilience Model, we identify this as a breakdown of Tenacity. Tenacity isn’t just about pushing through hard things; it’s about how you interpret the hard things. If your internal story is “I am failing,” you cannot build the capacity to succeed.
Today, I want to teach you a micro-action that hacks this nightly audit. It changes the filter your brain uses to process the day.
We call it The ‘Did It’ List.
The Primal Reality: The Sticky Brain
Why do we do this? Why is it so easy to remember the one criticism and so hard to remember the ten compliments?
Neuroscience gives us a sticky answer: “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” (Dr. Rick Hanson).
Your primal brain is designed to keep you safe. To keep you safe, it prioritizes threats and failures so you don’t repeat them. It ignores successes because success doesn’t threaten your survival.
So, when you lie in bed, your brain is doing exactly what it evolved to do: it is scanning for danger. The danger isn’t a tiger anymore; it’s the fear of incompetence. It’s the fear of letting people down.
But you are not just a biological survival machine. You are a leader with a purpose. And to lead well, you must manually override this default setting. You must force the Teflon to become Velcro.
The Micro-Action: The ‘Did It’ List
This practice is the final bookend of your day. It doesn’t require a pen or paper. It happens in the quiet of your own mind.
Here is the rule: When you lay your head on the pillow, before you let your mind drift, intentionally recall three things you did today.
But there is a catch. Do not just list tasks. I want you to recall moments of Agency.
- I chose to be patient when the line was long.
- I chose to speak up for my team.
- I chose to drink water instead of soda.
- I managed to get the kids to school on time.
Replay the scene in your mind. See yourself doing it. Feel the satisfaction of that moment again.
Then, whisper two words to yourself: “I did.”
Why This Builds Strategic Capacity
This isn’t about arrogance. It isn’t about pretending you are perfect. It is about Evidence Collection.
When you are burnt out, your internal narrative is usually, “I am helpless. It is too much. I can’t keep up.” This is a narrative of powerlessness.
The ‘Did It’ Recall collects evidence to the contrary.
1. It Proves Agency By recalling specific actions, you prove to your brain that you are an actor, not just a reactor. You are showing yourself, “Look, I made a choice. I had an impact.” This builds self-efficacy, which is the core fuel of Tenacity.
2. It Shifts the Hormonal Tide Reliving a positive moment releases serotonin and dopamine. These neurotransmitters counter the stress hormones. You are literally changing the chemical bath your brain sits in while you sleep. This leads to deeper, more restorative rest.
3. It Ends the Day with “Enough” The audit says, “You didn’t do enough.” The Recall says, “Look at what I did.” It allows you to close the books on the day with a sense of completion rather than a sense of debt.
A Story of the Night Shift
I worked with a hospice nurse named Brenda. Her job was incredibly heavy. She spent twelve hours a day walking families through the darkest moments of their lives.
She told me, “Bud, I go home and I just feel heavy. I feel like I didn’t save anyone. I feel like death won.”
She was suffering from profound emotional depletion. Her brain was fixating on the loss, which was the “threat” her primal system was trying to process.
I taught her The ‘Did It’ Recall.
“Brenda,” I said, “You can’t fix death. But you did a thousand things today. Tonight, I want you to find three.”
She came back two weeks later. She looked lighter.
“It was hard at first,” she admitted. “My brain wanted to show me the crying faces. But I forced myself to look for my own hands.”
“What did you see?” I asked.
“I saw myself holding a cup of water for a patient,” she said. “I saw myself adjusting a pillow to make someone comfortable. I saw myself hugging a daughter.”
She paused, tearing up. “I realized… I wasn’t just watching death happen. I was bringing love into the room. I did that.”
Brenda didn’t change her job. She changed her focus. She used the Recall to remind herself that even in the face of death, she had agency. She had power. And that knowledge allowed her to sleep.
Your Invitation to Change the Audit
Tonight, you have a choice.
You can let your primal brain run its default audit. You can let it list your failures and feed your anxiety.
Or, you can take control. You can use Reasoning to direct your attention.
Find the three things.
- I sent the email.
- I hugged my spouse.
- I prayed.
See them. Own them. Let them be the last thing you think about before you surrender to sleep.
You are building a case for your own resilience. You are proving to yourself that you are capable, effective, and enough.
Sleep well, friends. You did it.
Master the basics. Recall the wins. Master the pressure.
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